My First Blog


I’ve never been a big fan of shopping; I think of it more like a good hunt and kill!  I walk in… aim, fire and walk out; half of the time, I never even try stuff on.  This concept of shopping has caused me to randomly splurge through the many stages of my life.

I remember the time I decided to shop at the new young married girl counter. I strolled up to the counter, and they were having a special on “baby boys”!  The sales clerk was so good, she talked me into buying four of them!  Yet, every time I would go back to the store and try to exchange or return one of them, the clerk would shake her head at me in disbelief and shame, and point up at the big neon sign over her head that read… “ALL SALES FINAL” with a little stupid clause under it: “No Exceptions!”.   I now had more stresses hanging in my wardrobe then I ever imagined!  I had to learn to juggle, tolerate, and even get comfortable with the discomfort of ambivalence.  I was a walking zombie with bad roots, puffy eyes, and a pacifier hanging around my neck!

Years later, I decided to take another shot at this shopping. I hesitantly walked up to the menopause counter, and then suddenly forgot why I was there!  I happened to notice a sign that read “HOT flash special” and it instantly reminded me of what I was shopping for!  I ordered one maternity looking blouse, one mini fan for my purse, a patch, and what the heck… throw in a new husband!  They bagged them all up and even loaded them in the back of my empty minivan!  This crazy biological emotional rollercoaster I was on, was one wild ride of irritability, sudden cries of sadness, feelings of loneliness, anxiety and drastic mood changes!  I was a walking billboard for a pharma-med disclaimer!

I finally got up enough courage to try one more stab at this shopping. I  proudly walked  up to the silver lining counter.  I approached the sales clerk who had the audacity to smile past me and yell “NEXT!”  She completely ignored me!!!  I looked at her and said, “Hey lady it’s me, REMEMBER MEEEEE!!  I am here to shop and would like a box of drama, that backstabber friend you have on clearance, the sleep mask that reads “not tonight jerk!” and you just keep yelling “Next”!”  The lady behind me finally out of sympathy whispered, “that’s because you are in the “Next stage of life” line.  I asked, “what”???  She continued, “Every time someone or something irritates you, tries to control or manipulate you, you just look past them and yell “NEXT!” The ladies in line giggled and all chimed in saying their health was better, they had more fun, more independence, and they all felt they had more choice in everything from work to leisure pursuits.

Wow! This Next Stage of my like would enable me to make the kind of informed choices that would surely help me maximize my enjoyment into my next stage of life. I have a greater appreciation for God, my husband, my children, and just as importantly; my sisters! For you, I Blog… for you… I find humor!!


Friendship Disclaimer

I am not going to lie. I suck as a friend!  When I meet new people, I feel as if I need to seriously offer them a disclaimer that reads “I, Victoria, do not make a good friend, my life is too full, and I promise I will let you down!” Yet, lately I have been secretly yearning for adult conversation and friendship, since now an empty nester. However, I am still not sure if I have the energy, nor the know-how to do this friendship thing.

When my husband and I vacationed in Princeville on the island of Kauai, we set out to play a game of golf.  I decided to be a ride-along and take pictures and soak in the scenery.  On the first hole, we were paired with another couple. The gentleman’s wife had also opted to be a ride-along.  After cordially introducing ourselves, I contemplated whether I was going to be politely social or straight-up reclusive.

On the second hole, “Peggy” was brave enough to walk up to me again and engage in little bit of chit-chat. I was intrigued by her demeanor and smile. She seemed to be sincere and very genuine. We engaged in the usual friendly banter where do you live, how many kids do you have, and how many grandkids do you have? I could tell by the look on her face, that I need to update my disclaimer on how complicated and dramatic my life has been raising six boys, a couple of husbands, and its all true and not fiction!  You cannot make this stuff up!

By the fourth hole, I figured I should get off MY butt and walk up to HER cart for a change, to continue our conversation.  I will need to further update my disclaimer with the fact that I lack effort, especially as I age!  With each hole we felt more and more like young schoolgirls.  As they guys hit balls, we are now running up to each other’s carts and talking at elevated pitches. I asked Peggy where she was staying only to find out they were staying at the same condo residence, the same building and only two doors down from us. We laughed so loud, that we got that “look” from the guys reminding us of our golf etiquette!

By the eighteenth hole, we realized our lives had traveled similar paths. We were now talking a hundred miles a minute and eagerly sharing stories of our past!  We both came to the realization that this friendship could never end.  We committed to continue this friendship no matter the distance or life’s obstacles.

Who knows, maybe I should ditch the disclaimer and buy a diary, “Dear Diary, today I met a new friend!” Over the next couple of days, we all hung out in Princeville.  As I boarded the plane, I was proud of myself for adulting for the first time in a long time.  I had also made a new friend for life.  It is amazing to meet someone new, and automatically feel as though you have known each other for years. This happened to me one other time with a fellow stage mom (future blog).  Once again, I am reminded friends are truly a gift from God!  Thank you, my kindred spirit, for you I blog…for you I find humor.

Everybody Loves Bobby!

If you are new to meeting my husband, please don’t be thrown off if he continues to further introduce himself as husband number six.  Yes, I’ve had a few husbands, but not six.  I just roll my eyes when people say, “I just love Bobby!” I respond, “Yes, yes, EVERYBODY loves Bobby.  In fact, he needs his own TV show.”  I’m constantly reminded of this when we go to theme parks, airports, concerts, and any local Taco Tuesday.  Someone always shouts out, “BOBBBBBBBY!!!!” and runs over to high-five him.

The last time we babysat for my son and daughter-in-law, I heard a knock at their door. Much to my surprise, it was my ex.  I hesitantly greeted him, and he had the audacity to ask me, “I heard Bobby was in town, could I steal him to go grab a beer and catch up?”  I stood there half confused and half amused and thought to myself, did my ex really just ask if my husband could come out to play? After all, what could these two possibly have in common?

He finds humor in the fact there is a thirteen year age difference between us.  He loves to remind me that he bought his first GT BMX bike when I was buying my first home. We have had to learn to share the radio on road trips, him a little Oingo Boingo and me a little Queen. Not to mention, he loves asking the waitress if they have a senior citizen menu and chuckles!

So, I have to ask myself, “Why does everybody love Bobby?”  Men tell me that he’s a guy’s guy. My sister’s claim he’s the first husband to ever put me in my place. My girlfriends think he’s their own personal marriage counselor.  My grandkids run past me and jump in his arms. I think of him as a cross between Al Bundy, Charlie Harper (Sheen) and, of course, Raymond.

Bobby has a knack for finding humor, and even more importantly has helped me to find it in life. They say laughter releases endorphins, or feel good hormones and I truly believe this. Humor has been the saving grace in our eighteen years of marriage, and helped us to find forgiveness at a much faster speed than when we were younger.  We have experienced and survived tragic moments, and yet it has bonded us closer and given us a greater appreciation for time, life, and God.

Thank you my husband for making me laugh.  For you I blog…for you I find humor!

Paper Moon

There was a time, as a suddenly single mother of four boys, I came to discover that I needed a game plan that would require some magic on my part. You see, after a period of time of being single, I realized that I wanted to go out with some co-workers or even go on a date. Yet, I needed a babysitter.  My calls would start off like this, “Hi, do you think you can watch my boys Friday night?” There would be a moment of silence followed by my own echoed “hello?” I found people needed that extra minute of time to quickly think of an excuse. Their next question would be, “all four????”  And then, “I guess if you can’t find anyone else, then call me.”

I needed to change my game plan a bit. I had to figure out how to “convince” rather than “ask.” So I thought about it, and decided that the problem was that I was asking the wrong age group.  My elders were tired of kids and were enjoying their empty nests.  My married friends were reluctant (and a little resentful) of enabling my newfound “singlehood,” and my family was too busy being… a family.

One day, my six-year-old son and I were standing in line at Taco Bell, behind a beautiful sixteen-year-old girl. My son was staring up at her and unbeknownst to me blurted out, “Wow! You are hot! Can you give my mom your phone number and babysit me and my brothers?”  I stood there speechless and started to apologize, but she was already handing me her phone number and schedule.  I gave him the evil eye and then realized that he was so proud of himself.  Hmmm, we may have been on to something.   He and I might be the next Moses and Addie from Paper Moon.  I told him, “Next time DON’T mention you have brothers.”

These younger girls were great, although easily manipulated by my sweet and innocent boys. Ha! These girls also lacked the experience with discipline.  I had one call me and say, “Your boys are all on the roof and will not come down, what should I do?”  I had another nervously laugh and tell me the boys had tied her to a chair and ran down to their friends and accidently forgot her.  Then there was the time when I crawled in at midnight and found the babysitter and boys laying on the floor playing Super Mario Bros and my youngest was sitting on her back cornrowing her hair.  I think they even asked if she could move in with us.

Needless to say, I went through a ton of babysitters and to this day, I still run into these girls. Each one says, “Hi, remember me?  I was your babysitter.  As I start to work up my apology, they are already expressing their babysitting story with my boys and how it was an adventure they will never forget.  To all you babysitters, thank you!  For you I Blog… for you… I find humor!!

Etiquette Au pair

While visiting my son’s family, I became gravely concerned when I noticed how rude and demanding my grandchildren were when speaking to Alexa. “ALEXA BARK LIKE A DOG!  ALEXA LOUDER!  ALEXA STOP!”  Even the baby would grunt at Alexa.  So, I decided to create my own version of Alexa.

The Etiquette Au pair. It would be a hands-free speaker activated device that would reinforce speaking with good manners.  Au pair would be more than just a virtual assistant… a virtual parent designed to teach your child etiquette and respect.  If your child demands, “Au pair, tell me a joke!”  Au pair would kindly ask “Did you mean please tell me a joke.”   It would address rudeness, “Au pair, my granny is fat!” Au pair would reply, “That was rude, people come in all types of shapes and sizes.”

There could be many other perks as well. Au pair would assist with homework, give reminders of showers, timeD teeth brushing, and even read bed times stories.  It would put a stop to sibling rivalry, “Remember friends will come and go, but family is forever.”  A fun feature could be instead of coming with preprogramed Jeopardy, Au pair is preprogramed with “Mother May I?”

Au pair would control smart devices such as security cameras “Ah ah you already had two cookies!” Or “You only have ten more minutes of time-out and then your iPad will turn back on”.  Au pair would even follow your children from toddlerdom to adolescence, “If you are going to sneak out this evening, I will need to activate the alarm.”

Au pair would replace face-to-face interaction that was a part of our generation’s nurturing and growth.  Hmm, I might have to run this past Alexa, but first may I please be excused from the table?  My grandkids, for you I blog…for you…I find humor!